It’s easy to get frustrated with your business or life. There are always parts of it that aren’t working out the way you’d like. Right?

Sometimes you might think you have no control. Something that frustrates you keeps happening again and again. No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, it keeps happening.

It’s like swimming as hard as you can and wondering why you are getting nowhere. Well, here’s one reason that happens. This blog is to share why that happens and what you can do about it. 

Here’s My Story

About 3 years into my business, I was exasperated, exhausted, and ready to quit. I had been trying so hard to make things work in my business. My goal was simple – to replace my income from corporate. Yet here I was barely making any money at all. Nothing I was doing was working.

To tell you the truth, I was angry. Angry with myself, angry with the universe, angry at it all! I was so angry that I was seriously considering quitting to go back to corporate. I WAS DONE STRUGGLING!

But the voice of my mentor spilled into my mind – don’t quit out of fear. Well, I wasn’t fearful, I told myself. I was just sick and tired of things not working. Yet, when I was honest with myself and looked at what was really going on, I realized that the anger was really my fear in disguise. It was the first time that I felt like I had no control over my income. I felt completely helpless!

Dreams of Making Big Money

I wanted so bad to provide for my family. I dreamed of making so much money that my husband could quit his job, we could travel, and we would have all the things we needed and never have to work unless we wanted. But turning that into reality was much harder than I thought.

So, there I sat, humbled and needing to make a decision. Do I quit or do I go on? I really didn’t want to go back to corporate. Even though that choice would help me pay the bills, it would not solve all my other problems like having more time and freedom for myself and my daughter. It wouldn’t help me live out my passion and my purpose. It wouldn’t help me feel the sense of fulfillment from achieving my dreams. In fact, it would be one giant step backward.

Quitting Trying Harder

I knew I had to go on, but I also knew I couldn’t go on the way I was. I needed to try something else. I was reading the book You². This book had a chapter titled, “Quit Trying Harder”. I flipped through the pages and saw a quote, “Ricochet. If you’re trying to climb over the wall, open a door and walk through. If you’re pushing against the river, try going with the flow.”

Suddenly, I saw a picture in my mind of a salmon swimming upstream, it was beat up from bashing itself against the rocks. Oh my gosh, I thought, that was me! That’s how I was feeling, beat up and exhausted. So, I asked myself, what would my ricochet move be? What would put me on a different path?

That’s when it hit me, I had a belief that in order to be successful, I had to work hard, grind away, and force my way to success. I had been doing that all these years. No wonder I was suffering from exhaustion!

I began to wonder what would it be like to do things with more ease and more fun. To surrender to the flow. With these questions, I felt immense relief. This definitely would be a different path for me.

As I kept these questions, throughout the coming months, in the forefront of my mind. Answers began to reveal themselves. Solutions that were in alignment with these questions began to show up. The stress and overwhelm that I had felt before began to calm. This path now seemed doable.

Stopping the Pressure

I also realized how overwhelmed I felt by the goals I set. I was notorious for setting aggressive goals. After all, I had been sales manager. We lived and breathed by goals and key performance metrics. But, chasing after them brought out the worst in me. It made me grumpy and irritated every day that I missed them. They weren’t serving their purpose of motivating me. They were having the opposite effect. Since I was learning to ricochet, I let all my goals go, including my income goals.

The fears that would sweep in around income were very real but each time they showed up, I pushed them aside. As we came upon situations where we needed more money, a solution would reveal itself. One idea, one opportunity, or a moment of good fortune would flow through. It wasn’t always through my business and I had to be okay with that. Surrendering to how abundance showed up was part of my journey.

Retraining the Mind

The bottom line was that I had to retrain my mind to focus on what was going well because I had a tendency to focus only on what was not working and then I would feel anger and frustration with myself. My inner critic would have a hay day with me, pointing out all the flaws, mistakes, and problems. With all that negativity, I would feel terrible.  

If you’re new to this idea, you may think the inner critic is a good thing (like I used to). It is not! I now know the inner critic is one of the biggest blockers of success. It lowers our vibe, it causes us to feel discouraged, and it tears down our confidence. In fact, in order to be successful, we must recognize the inner critic for what it is… a saboteur of success!

So, methodically, I began to shift my thinking to one of greater ease, fun and yes, even greater belief in myself. As I did, it got much easier to do the things I needed to do for my business. Whether it was getting out and speaking, doing Facebook Lives, networking, or just writing a blog like this, my confidence began to expand exponentially.

Eventually, I was able to do these things without the inner critic pointing out all my mistakes. That loud and brassy bully that used to storm around in my head, is more like a quiet kitten now. It has less power of me, and I now recognize it for what it is… the part of me that was afraid.

Taming the Inner Critic

Friend, if you have an overactive inner critic and you’re reading this blog, perhaps it’s time to go deeper into taming it. Don’t fight with it. Don’t get angry with it. (That’s exactly what it wants!) Simply recognize it as the part of you that is afraid. Lovingly shift your thoughts to ones that are gentler and kinder. Success comes not from beating yourself up but rather building yourself up. You deserve the very best, you’re doing your very best, and yes, there’s always room to improve, but you can do so with love.  

Let me just leave you with this last one thought. What would YOUR life and business be like if you did things with more ease and fun, and you surrendered to the flow of life more? The Universe can only do so much when you insist on doing things your way. Let go of how things will come to you. Remember that the Universe is always working on your behalf. Let it do so now and trust that you are on your path to living your very best life.