If you’ve been striving for a success and it’s just not happening as you planned, I have good news for you…
First, let me share a short story. Chasing after success is something I’ve done my entire adult life so I totally get it if that’s what you’re after too. When I started my business, I decided success was making the same annual salary I made in corporate (I find that’s a common benchmark for my clients too). No matter what else was going on in my business, whether it was getting my books written and published or speaking to more and more audiences, I never felt good about what I had accomplished. It was never enough.
Consequently, my self-esteem took a major blow as I was constantly deeming myself a failure. I tore myself down telling myself I wasn’t doing enough, or I wasn’t good at being an entrepreneur. After all, I was formerly a sales manager and we lived and died by performance metrics. Everything revolved around achieving higher and higher performance.
So, I learned the hard way what success really is. You see, when I stepped out and started my business, I had several important reasons. The most important one was spending time with my daughter. I also was needing to bring better balance in my life. As a workaholic, things were way out of whack. I spent little time on taking care of my health and well-being. I made little time for family and friends. I was snappy and irritable to my husband and daughter. And I felt completely exhausted and overwhelmed (let’s not mention all the chores that weren’t getting done).
When I started my new business, I had written a 3-year vision and in that vision I had included more time with family and friends, better health and self-care, more travel, and definitely more enjoyment! As time went on and I was feeling frustrated with my lack of financial success, I began to realize that my definition of success was really needing a broader definition. In fact, it was way off center with what was most important to me.
As I looked at my 3 year vision I realized that my life had MUCH better balance than before. I was taking way better care of myself. I was spending time with my daughter (even homeschooling her). I was in a much happier mood. I was much more patient with my husband and daughter. I had a wonderful group of friends who were positive and supportive (it goes both ways of course). I had much more energy to do things. My house was getting cleaner and more organized. Everything was lining up beautifully and I was right on track to aligning my life to what mattered most. Once I saw that, I felt so much better about the choices I was making. Especially, since it had been such a tough road getting there.
Too often, we lose perspective about what really matters. We get caught in the rat race of chasing after money. We think by having more money and success, we’ll have more time for all the other things that will make us happy. That’s really not how it works. More money does not equal more happiness. There are plenty of wealthy people who will tell you that.
In my 30’s, many important people in my life passed away. I lost my mother, step-dad, brother, best friend, father-in-law and grandfather-in-law. Theses special people left an important legacy with me; wisdom. The wisdom I gained was that all of us are going to kick the bucket some time. The sign of a good life, in my opinion, is to die without regrets.
My stepdad, who I just adored, was in his final year of life and was reflecting on whether he had a life well lived. He said, “I’ve looked back at my life and I only have one regret; I wish I would have spent more time with you kids.” I’m so glad he said that because it caused me to pause and look at my own life. I realized I was headed down that same path of regret. He gave me a reason to fight for more time with my daughter. He motivated me to start my own business.
A client of mine was miserable in the work she did. She hired me and we had started working on identifying what kind of business she would love to have. I encouraged her to create one that would bring more joy and better balance (Yes, I’m aware there are those that say there is no such thing. I would disagree having found it for myself). One day she emailed me and told me she wasn’t feeling well and would have to put our coaching sessions on pause. I said, “Of course. Go take care of whatever’s going and then let me know when you’d like to start back up again.”
It turns out she had stage 4 cancer and she never returned as a client. She emailed me in her final days of life and said, “My only regret is that I didn’t leave my job 3 years earlier when I wanted to.” It chokes me up even now because I know there are many people in that same boat. It also confirms that I made the right move 6 years ago by starting my own business. It was hard and it was scary, but what I have gained is a hundred times better than what I ever expected.
This is also why its my mission to help people step out and start their own businesses. If it’s a dream that’s calling to you, there’s a reason for it. It is part of your path, your destiny. And no, it won’t be easy, but it will be totally worth it. As long as you keep perspective about what’s most important to you and build your business around that, your life will get exponentially better.
So all this is to say that if you’ve been striving for success and its not happening as you planned – yay for you! That’s the Universe telling you to take another look. Ask yourself, “What matters to me most?” This is your opportunity to broaden your definition of success and align your life to all those things so that when you kick the bucket and look back at your life, you can say, “This was a life well lived. I have no regrets.”